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By @jlumbrozo 16 Ott 2013:
Having damned this technology as the seed of Satan, I finally succumb. Let tyrants tremble. And so forth.
In Chicago, playing at the Vic Theatre tonight, with the mighty Copper Bottom Band. Come and dance.
Debate in the band over NY v Chicago pizza. Also cricket v baseball and sunni v shia. No clear winners yet.
Sound check was impossibly good. My natural superstition makes me nervous about tonight's show. Whisky usually helps. To battle!!
I made a hash of Come on Baby but we gave a good account of ourselves. Great crowd in Chicago and the band played their socks off!!
Pittsburgh. City of steel, paint, and the Copper Bottom Band for the next 14 hours. We plan to leave a mark.
Loving the half mile of Pittsburgh I've seen. Weighty. Bathing my temples now in asses' milk. The air tonight shall be filled with song.
Ore 21:10 la7d Molto rumore per nulla (RSL)
Ore 21:05 - Castle (il segreto di abbbo natale, finchè morte non li separi)
18 Ottobre:
Another great sound check. No words to describe how good this band is. I have to conceal my open-mouthed wonder or I'd be screaming all day.
We're trying a new version of Jon Cleary's So Damn Good tonight. If I can hook my belt onto Herman's groove we'll be fine.
Carnegie Music Hall Pittsburgh - and a lovely audience. A good night was well and truly had. There's got to be a catch.
A rule is emerging even in 3 US shows. Men who wear white trousers to the theatre aren't happy. Cause or effect?
Pulled into Cleveland 2am and slept like a dead rhino. Now deliberating visit to RnR Hall of Fame. Inspiring, depressing or both?
Decided against HoF, fearing the reaction I had the first time I saw butterflies pinned.
Then again, maybe butterflies dream of being pinned in someone's butterfly hall of fame?
19 Ottobre:
On reflection, being able to crash a stock market or cause a typhoon with a beat of their wings may be legacy enough.
Bowling in Cleveland. Badly. But it's one of those rare games: no one minds being bad. Must be infuriating for those who can do it well.
Show tonight in Kent OH then bus up to Canada. Find fault with that scenario. I can't. The road is a fine place to be.
Last occupant of this dressing room was Kevin Costner. The air is sweet but manly. I am going to trap some in a can for later.
20 Ottobre:
Lovely crowd in Kent and we gave as good as we got. This band can get a song quivering 10 feet off the floor and they did it tonight.
On the bus now, eating spicy chicken wings and watching Lightning in a Bottle. More angry than spicy. Probably cross into Canada around 5.
What a life. Someone nicer ought to be living it.
Breathing Canadian air now. Minty fresh with a hint of health care. Might get a new hip while I'm here.
Day dawns bright over typical Toronto scene. Drunks, pimps, hookers. hustlers, bikers, beggars, bootleggers. Not a single one in sight.
Didn't mean to insult Toronto by implying it doesn't have a lively and compelling gang problem too. Must get out more.
21 Ottobre:
Danforth Music Hall Toronto. The quiet murmur of preparation before battle is joined. I might do something from Henry V.
Toronto unable to resist our potent mix of herbs and spices. A thumping good show. The bus has to break down now. It's all too good...
Woke up on empty bus parked in a vast yellow hangar with no doors or windows. Assumed I was dead. Trippy but not unpleasant.
Actually not dead but in Montreal. Which is a very different ball of wax.
Nice interviewer for CBC seemed to think I had been to Montreal before, for a golf tournament. I have instructed my lawyers.
We've stormed the Maison Symphonique in Montreal. Dressing rooms bigger than some venues we've played. Hope we can lower the tone tonight.
22 Ottobre:
Well I'll be. Monty audience looked so stern and classical, but they cut loose! The CBB's playing has reached dizzying heights. Thin air.
600 miles south to Alexandria VA, much of it to the strains of The Last Waltz. By God but The Band were good. Dr J's Such A Night sublime.
23 Ottobre:
Alexandria impossibly pretty. Dainty colonial style, shops selling frilly scented things. My feet feel enormous.
Practicing in hotel room on electro keyboard. But no headphones, so I can't hear what I'm doing. Ideal.
Lovely gaggle of fans at the Birchmere. Though I'm superstitious meeting people before a show. Like seeing the bride before the wedding.
24 Ottobre:
Sound checked and double checked. Audience at the Birchmere is so close they're almost behind us. I shouldn't have eaten that onion.
Birchmere went well. Hard to rouse people because of tables but we got there in the end. There was a dog in the front row who loved it.
25 Ottobre:
Just played some songs with Gaby at a bar in NYC. She sang like an angel. I played like Goebbels. But Vincent, Liz and Jean made me proud.
M'colleague and I performing tonight in adjacent theatres in NY. It's a funny old world. Compared to some of the others I've visited.
Drink with m'col at the Algonquin. We were so witty we could hardly understand each other. Then a rollicking good show. What a city.
26 Ottobre:
300 miles west to Buffalo, still reeling from last night's audience in NY. A fine collection of humanity under one roof.
And so great to see m'col on fine form. Wish I could have seen 12th Night but apparently not much changed from London. If it ain't broke.
27 Ottobre:
Good show at Tonowonda Riviera, one of the prettiest theatres in the land, with a fully restored 1926 Wurlitzer organ. How could I resist?
The English inventor of The Mighty Wurlitzer organ, Robert Hope-Jones, committed suicide in 1914. No less sad than if it happened yesterday.
We grieve for earthquake victims a continent away, but not a century away. Are we programmed to stop once the natural lifespan has elapsed?
Our appetite for photos. Are we trying to hold back time? Sandbags against the flood? Or are we all NSA, doing it just because we can?
In Springfield Mass., on our way to sound check. I feel like doing 6 new songs tonight, terrifying myself and everyone else. It'll pass.
Which is the greater pleasure? The triumphant capture of a photograph, or the contemplation of it a year later?
Calvin Theatre Northampton, wrestling with whether to do a Lou Reed song to mark his passing. The only official fan club I ever belonged
28 Ottobre:
Perfect Day it was. A much more beautiful song than my rendition of it, but perfect for an Imperfect Day. Lou Reed RIP.
29 Ottobre:
Lovely time with Jimmy Fallon where I declared my Twittish bona fides. Next to Celine Dion on the sofa. What is going on in this world??
On a train NY to Boston in glorious sunshine. Can't find a single thing to moan about. I'm losing my touch.
Wait - the coffee's meaningless.
When a paper cup is that hot you know the coffee must be gibberish. Do grounds dissipate heat quicker?
Years of horror at encroaching government survelliance - and now I can't muster any outrage at the tapping of Angela M's phone. Why?
Perhaps a H of S, with attendant intelligence apparatus, is fairer game than man waiting for the Clapham omnibus? Not sure if that's it.
29 Ottobre:
Yikes. As Sinatra liked to say "how'd all these people get in my room?" If I'd known, I would have baked a cake.
Welcome, in other words. I will strive to be worthy, to protect and defend etc
In Boston now, polishing brass before tonights's show. The vegans have gone out scavenging. Carnivores asleep.
30 Ottobre:
Boston audience fantastic. We were good too, but the audience were better. Knowledgeable, appreciative. Also handsome and stylishly dressed.
6 am at a truck stop in Trenton NJ, my fictional home for the last 10 years. A new moon grinning through clouds. No meaning, just facts.
Truck drivers are a noble breed. Toiling through the night to bring Christmas every morning. Might try for a licence when this is over.
31 Ottobre:
Beautiful theatre in Keswick PA. Lovely vibe to the place and people. Could signify a great show or fist fights and sarcasm. The unknown.
No fights, no sarcasm. Great audience and great sound. Although....
I offered my hand to a 10 yr old girl and she shunned it. Doesn't shake hands with men. Her parents beamed like she'd just spoken
Durham North Carolina. Nice autumnal palette laid on by this God fellow I keep hearing so much about.
1 Novembre:
A night of ribs, beer, pool and shuffleboard. Oh, how I strongly disapprove of myself.
Swampy drizzle in North Carolina. Raindrops seem to fall slower here than up north, meandering down with their ties loosened. Nice.
I peel away the mask of jlumbrozo to reveal the Phantom. The scoundrel I thought had bagged hughlaurie was actually me, years ago. Oops.
So how do you do? all over again. I will try to serve only the freshest, tenderest morsels, moist with the morning dew. Your servant etc
Carolina Theatre in Durham NC, a beautiful 1920s temple of culture and amusement. What is a town without a place like this at its centre?
2 Novembre:
Hair disappearing from my head like sand from an hourglass. Although not growing out of my feet, which is a relief.
I'm an hourglass half full sort of person.
Thumping good show to a crowd of lively North Carolinians. I danced like a man falling down stairs.
Florida Theater in Jacksonville FL tomorrow night. Don't miss it - because if you do, you'll miss it. And you don't want that. To miss it.
Crew bus has broken down. If they're not rolling in the next few hours, Jacksonville show will be sock puppets followed by Q and A.
You still shouldn't miss it.
Truck stop in South Carolina. Ranks of trucking elves bringing your breakfast, clothes, books, toys. All have goatees.
Band has got to Jacksonville, crew still stranded. We will now electrocute ourselves trying to rig our own gear. Brown is earth, right?
Another stunning building. 1926 a good year for theatres. US still speckled with these gems that have somehow escaped thuggish developers.
Met 3 lads at a cafe. They played me some rap, I asked them to the show - warned them it's really old music. They said like 70s rock?
Streets filling with Gators and Bulldogs faithful. It's a hajj. Which is probably offensive but shouldn't be.
Heroic work from local crew. We'll be ready 8pm. Florida theatre Jacksonville. Don't miss it! Because, you know. You can't unmiss it later.
Crew just got in from Atlanta. Frayed but in good spirits. Now madly rigging, cabling, plugging. Normal service has been resumed.
And I survey the hive with a benign smile, fanning myself with my hat. I have delicate hands, you see.
3 Novembre:
Calm before the storm. In 30 minutes I cry 'havoc!' and then we'll see if anyone knows what I'm on about.
Jacksonville FL my new favourite city. Rollicking crowd keen to put the football result behind them. We sucked the encore barrel dry.
The Florida Theatre was where Elvis performed in 1956 before a judge, who had to rule on the suggestiveness of the King's hip movements.
Being English, I was born without hips, but I tried to honour the event with some racy nostril-flaring.
Last toe of this leg in Atlanta GA before the CBB scatters for a few months. Keen to finish on a high. Possibly even a good-humoured riot.
Quiet study time while the band fill in their visa forms for the next leg. General derision at the impertinence of government bureaucracy.
4 Novembre:
I mean really. Why not this way round? "I'm considering your country as a recipient of my time and effort - describe why you might qualify?"
"Please include details of all previous convictions for corruption, warmongering and human rights violations."
"Question 19.4. Describe chemical trace elements in your drinking water."
"Question 73.8. Do your police officers wear sunglasses and chew gum?"
Confusion here. Sorry. Mine are notional questions we ought to be able to ask of nations.
5 Novembre:
Lusty and well-oiled crowd for the last show in Atlanta. Now the CBB retires to their cryogenic pods until 2014. Sweet sorrow.
I'm headed for NOLA and the terrifying honour of a Fess charity event at Tipitina's. Food won't taste right until this bridge is crossed.
You have to. You simply have to.
www.theonion.com/articles/frustrate...ng-hands,33239/ …
In the city of dreams, gazing out over the wine-dark Mississippi. Lord how this place can quicken even my sluggish pulse.
Just saw The Milk Carton Kids. A sublime confusion of Simon+Garfunkel, the Everly Brothers, Gilbert+George, Penn+Teller... Stunningly great.
Train in the distance, maybe headed for Baton Rouge or Lafayette. Its whistle had an extra note. 1-5-7. Or am I just an old fool?
6 Novembre:
If truckers are the toiling Nibelungen - which they aren't - then Fasolt and Fafner are lumbering up the river. How d'you like them apples?
A Mississippi giant... pic.twitter.com/Aqs0EkZLgz
7 Novembre:
Just finished rehearsal for tomorrow's show at Tip's. Ears ringing, heart pounding, hands shaking. On Fess's stage with the high priests.
The musicians are immense and i'm lucky to be breathing the same air. But I patted Fess's bronze head and asked for his blessing. We'll see.
8 Novembre:
A parade just marched past my window. Don't know what for. Someone died, someone was born, someone bought some new socks?
Icarus, that's me. The players last night were so hot, I got into a waxy, falling mess. But we raised money, and Fess's daughter was lovely.
A stroll round NO has congealed some of the wax after last night's fall. Although the buskers can make you never touch an instrument again.
Every corner oozes playing and singing of an amazing sweetness. 5 bucks in a bucket gets you better sounds than you'll hear anywhere else.
Also the centre of the hat universe. It's actually possible to wear a hat unironically in New Orleans. Hatlelujah.
Hatlelujah was very poor. I apologise.
Bow-ties I'm less sure about. Maybe because I'm a jack of all trades and bow-ties are for masters of one.
I'm not saying bow-ties aren't cool. Just that you need to have a Subject. Modern art, butterflies, antiques, ear infections. Something.
Cravats are different. I always assume they're concealing auto-erotic strangulation marks.
9 Novembre:
At the airport, wading through English newspapers without any clear purpose or benefit. Might have to shower before getting on the plane
I retract 'wading through' - exactly the sort of casual snidery I so dislike in newspapers - and substitute 'reading'. I was reading offal.
Back in cold, wet London. Men with grey cheeks, women with red noses. Feels wonderful.
I hope the people who do the tables, seats, screens on aeroplanes don't also do the wings. Must be a different outfit, surely?
Already sinking back into the bosom of the motherland. It's good to leave England for a while just to appreciate how beautiful it is.
11 Novembre:
Cows are not as stupid as they look.
I think they're playing the long game.
Sheep, on the other hand, may be about as stupid as they look. Am I being unkind?
Obviously we all want sheep to achieve their potential. But we have to be realistic.
I never knew a goat well enough to form an opinion on his or her intellect.
The males have beards, of course, but they're goatees. Understandably. But makes me think of reality TV shows concerning guns and trucks.
American men over 35 yrs and 250lbs wear goatees. It signifies individuality.
Shutting down now. Jet lag and vodka do not make for good tweetage.
12 Novembre:
I just can't love HD. Definition is of surfaces rather than shapes. All ear hair and pimples. Everyone looks like they've just been slapped.
It's a hopeless quest. The miracle of the brain is its ability to sift, prioritise, ignore. We don't need or want to see pores.
I predict a new kind of facial aesthetic. Symmetry and cheekbones, having dominated for millennia, will lose out to boiled egg complexions.
Perhaps a new democracy will accompany HD. We once gazed up at silvery giants. Now all movie stars look like your sister after a hot bath.
Obviously I have never seen YOUR sister. I meant one's sister, but "one's" seems out of place in twitspeak.
Proud of the dog. He just completed a 2 hour walk while dangling the same 9 inch rope of slobber from his jowl. You try it.
I had an aunt who could do the same with cigarettes. Tip to filter without ever losing the ash.
13 Novembre:
Reading and LOVING Joe & David Henry's bio of Richard Pryor. Beautiful portrait of RP but also of the mountains he set himself to climb.
It's called Furious Cool and it's both those things.
Now resolved to watch RP Live in Concert again as soon as possible. Also anything of Dick Gregory. Titans.
Dick Gregory also reason enough to rethink Hugh Hefner. Ha ha what a mad old goat. Well no. Much, much more than that.
Hefner booked Dick G at the Playboy Club (yes, with all that entails...) in 1961. The first black comic to play a white club in the US.
From there DG went on the Tonight Show with Jack Parr. The first black performer to be invited to sit and talk with Parr. Man to man.
On a day like this, London can take any other city with one hand behind its back.
Time speeding up. How do we deal with this? Either cultivate intense boredom, or intense discomfort. Is there a third way? No god or acid.
I tried boxing, which turns 3 minutes into a week. But it involves being punched in the face. Other ideas?
How about this? Time senses your desire. If you want more of it, it goes faster. To slow it down, resolve to die. Or is that dark?
Or perhaps it's like tickling. You can't do it to yourself.
14 Novembre:
A search for modern masters of boogie woogie piano yields countless jolly Scandinavians in mustard yellow jackets. Why might this be?
Maybe I imagined the mustard yellow.
They might not be Scandinavian either, but they're definitely jolly. So is the audience. Hooting with laughter. I can't immediately see why.
What a privilege it is to have the care of a dog. Cats too, perhaps, I don't know. Chain of command less clear with cats.
Apart from the obvious stuff, a dog also opens the door on the whole animal kingdom. Birds, ants, giraffes, all become more legible.
Also a triumph of cooperation over aggression. Wolves now sadly endangered at c 100,000 v 1 bn dogs. Tail wagging beats snarling.
Which is not an argument for submission over assertiveness. Just that it's hard for any animal to be free and splendid if it doesn't exist.
Only way to tell coyote tracks from labrador is coyote's are dead straight, strictly business. Labradors frolic. Frolicking is good.
Many humans have chosen to die on their feet than live on their knees. Many more haven't. The rest of us are lucky not to face the choice.
Lay an ear on Pokey Lafarge when you have a moment: La La Blues. Beautiful stuff.
I am shirt-bustingly proud to announce that I have been offered the Throne of Bacchus in the next Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Be there!!
My reign will be firm but benevolent. Peace and harmony will be upon the land, and the crops will thrive. Please don't get up.
My raiment shall be of the finest, and I will be exquisitely scented. I might carry a bird of prey on my arm. Is this annoying yet?
Anyway, you are all invited. Tell the airline I said it was ok. March 1st.
Couple of corrections: March 2nd not 1st; and apparently the KoB's writ doesn't extend to airlines.
I am, however, allowed to invade Texas.
15 Novembre:
Another gorgeous day. The only cloud is the newspaper I have just read. Perhaps that's how it should be.
Off to the BBC to read stories for John Lloyd's Christmas radio show. Putting myself in a wintry, hand-knitted frame of mind.
Braced for the trauma of seeing the Art Deco jewel of Broadcasting House now refitted in the style of a plastic surgery clinic.
Which is a pretty good metaphor for plastic surgery itself.
16 Novembre:
A good night. John Lloyd on twinkling form, Julian Rhind-Tutt splendid and, best of all, Miriam Margoyles. Your hero was flaky.
What footling creatures we are, swanking about observing what footling creatures we are, thereby hoping that we're not. When we are.
I just read that back and it seems to be screaming Go To Bed.
Thomas Young (d.1829) was "the last man who knew everything" before the spokes of knowledge radiated too far from the hub of the generalist.
But wheels lose stability without a rim. Who will re-connect neuroscience and philosophy, engineering and economics, poetry and politics?
E.O. Wilson coined Consilience which is a chewy sort of a word.
My new theory. First half of life is noticing and exploring the difference between things. Second half is noticing the sameness.Commonality.
Perhaps the same for mankind. Centuries of enquiry into differences, distinctions, nuances, give way to - all generalisations are true.
Never mind. Swing low sweet chariot....
Chariot not quite low enough - but cracking game....
@hughlaurie je viens de regarder un match de rugby entre l'angleterre et la nouvelle zelande. Nous l'avons perdu...
When asked, siri will tell you with complete conviction that Bruce Forsyth is 112. Enjoy.
17 Novembre:
I was wrong about HD. Definition is heightening at the exact rate my eyesight is failing. If they can just do the same with street signs..
I don't mind if they steal some definition from mirrors.
I petition for a re-naming of golfer's elbow. The pain's enough without the added shame of associating with all that waddling cashmere.
Why not bull-rider's elbow? Or duellist's elbow?
Gatwick, Gatwick....the very word seems to whisper....adventure. I think. It's very soft. Sort of bronchial really.
18 Novembre:
A curse be upon those who glue their shins to the luggage carousel so others can't get at their bags, for they are the destroyers of hope.
Fascinating to see Kansas v Denver after watching England against the All Blacks yesterday. Pompous and inaccurate theory to follow shortly.
So many glaring differences but i'm struggling to squeeze them into one Unified Theory. Will I give up? No, boys and girls, I will not.
By George I think I've got it. Theory of difference between American and British sports. By Anne Elk. Message in 3 parts.
US sports did not evolve, but were invented by a priestly caste of Coaches -sacred as Japanese sensei - not just a function, but a title.
Games allow for maximum control and intervention by these Wise Men on the sideline. Downs, plays, time-outs. No victory except through Me.
Hence, or whence, US inclination to believe in a Creator's design. The rules, strategy and outcome of life all dictated by Our Father.
Appendix A. If, instead of shoulder pads, gridiron required huge, spacehopper arse pads, would it occupy the same place in US affections?
Appendix B. I love watching the NFL. Breathtaking skill and athleticism. But when a game of rugby takes off, there's nothing like it.
The countdown has begun.
That's not a figure of speech.
pic.twitter.com/S4IQ7Dp0LA
This is Maven and it's going to Mars. 35 million miles away. pic.twitter.com/KjGEm7V5NM
Maven's cruising speed is 25,000 mph and it will get to Mars next September.
Launching from the Florida swamps, surrounded by alligators, buzzards, pre and post historic lie down together.
Edited by sweetest thing - 29/11/2013, 15:31
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C'è da dire che twitta come un pazzo il nostro ugo XD . -
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A voglia
Edited by sweetest thing - 2/11/2013, 14:59. -
.CITAZIONEAmerican men over 35 yrs and 250lbs wear goatees. It signifies individuality.
@tracyhepburnfan:
@hughlaurie Didn't you once wear a goatee
that's not a goatee, just a badly poured beard.CITAZIONEThe males have beards, of course, but they're goatees. Understandably. But makes me think of reality TV shows concerning guns and trucks.
@lock_sher:
@hughlaurie WHY? Stop drinking that coffee now! What poor animal is next? Ducks can have attitude you know!
Oh ducks. Don't start me on ducks. And if you do start me, stop me at once.CITAZIONE@WWE_JCena:
@hughlaurie can you send me a tweet just saying “it’s lupus” on it ?
oh it's lupus alrightCITAZIONEI think they're playing the long game.
@Mariie15:
@hughlaurie You're in a farm, right?
I'm in an office with a picture of a cow on the wall. Her eyes are following me.CITAZIONEI retract 'wading through' - exactly the sort of casual snidery I so dislike in newspapers - and substitute 'reading'. I was reading offal.
@Elizabeth_Malet:
@hughlaurie Any predictions from this action?
A mysterious stranger will come from the east. Possibly on a scooter.CITAZIONE@_M_H_M_:
speaking of the east, can u please refrain from referring to Asian people as Oriental in your next book? See edward said.
I don't know the instance you mean but I apologise for it and yes.CITAZIONEIcarus, that's me. The players last night were so hot, I got into a waxy, falling mess. But we raised money, and Fess's daughter was lovely.
@JRhodesPianist:
@hughlaurie I hear your Pathétique sonata is something extraordinary. One day you'll record it I hope
thank you for giving any credence to this rumour. my playing lays heavy emphasis on the pathetique...CITAZIONEDebate in the band over NY v Chicago pizza. Also cricket v baseball and sunni v shia. No clear winners yet.
@EmMartin91:
@jlumbrozo re. cricket v baseball: can you really beat a sport whose matches can last for five days? As a regular cricket-goer, I think not.
I made that point too. Five days squeezed into 3 hours. We can live forever!CITAZIONE@EmMartin91:
re. cricket v baseball: can you really beat a sport whose matches can last for five days? As a regular cricket-goer, I think not.
I made the point as forcefully as I could. Americans not convinced.CITAZIONE@lock_sher:
@jlumbrozo "IF" YOU are indeed the real deal may I be one of the first to welcome you on board you mad fool! If not a big raspberry to you!
keep your raspberry in your holster. As real as a north wind. Thank you for the welcome.. -
.CITAZIONEHugh Laurie: I predict a new kind of facial aesthetic. Symmetry and cheekbones, having dominated for millennia, will lose out to boiled egg complexions.
@Anonymously4844:
ok. After all these tweets, I've got to ask...what the heck are you watching?? Lol
Everything. Trying to catch up on 10 yrs of British TV in one night. I'm almost there. Just 30 more comedy panel shows.CITAZIONEHugh Laurie: Perhaps a new democracy will accompany HD. We once gazed up at silvery giants. Now all movie stars look like your sister after a hot bath.
@TheFirstChibi:
I'm having a bit of trouble with your sentence construction. is that after my sister has a bath, or the movie star?
When in doubt, go with the closest noun.CITAZIONE@TheFirstChibi:
Righty-oh!
Didn't mean to sound short. I'm still wrestling with 140 ch compression - or I'd have said 'when she's just had...' Sorry!CITAZIONEHugh Laurie: I had an aunt who could do the same with cigarettes. Tip to filter without ever losing the ash.
@JessicaClackum:
My great aunt could talk for hours with the same cigarette dangling, never lost an ash. Talent?
10,000 hours. Or cigarettes.CITAZIONEHugh Laurie: Proud of the dog. He just completed a 2 hour walk while dangling the same 9 inch rope of slobber from his jowl. You try it.
@LisaAchacon:
what kind of dog do you have?
As he can't give consent, I'd rather protect his privacy. Not sure he'd approve of twitter.. -
.CITAZIONENow resolved to watch RP Live in Concert again as soon as possible. Also anything of Dick Gregory. Titans.
@PhilippeVanKems: @hughlaurie Who is RP?
Richard PryorCITAZIONETime speeding up. How do we deal with this? Either cultivate intense boredom, or intense discomfort. Is there a third way? No god or acid.
@Greg_Coogan: Duh, music!
I say no, sir. Music equals pleasure equals accelerated time. Unless you mean bad music. That could work.CITAZIONEI tried boxing, which turns 3 minutes into a week. But it involves being punched in the face. Other ideas?
@Baddiel: another child?
Works at first, then you realise you've just pulled another soul onto your plummeting age-cart and you wind up going even faster.CITAZIONEOr perhaps it's like tickling. You can't do it to yourself.
@johnjac: most people can tickle the roof of their mouth with their tongue. #facts
By Jupiter, you're right!. -
.CITAZIONEOnly way to tell coyote tracks from labrador is coyote's are dead straight, strictly business. Labradors frolic. Frolicking is good.
@LisaAchacon: I'm taking that as a hint that you have a lab!
I chose labrador because that's how I heard the factoid. Labs similar size to coyote. My dog's breed is his own affair.CITAZIONEWhich is not an argument for submission over assertiveness. Just that it's hard for any animal to be free and splendid if it doesn't exist.
@DeusExJuice: The inverse can be applied there, too. It's hard for any animal to be anything, including domesticated, if it doesn't exist.
Quite right. I was just questioning the idea that it's better to be noble and non-existent.CITAZIONEIs the lessened aggression in a domesticated dog not unnatural though? Which means WE are digging the wolves' graves not they...
But we are part of wolves' environment, as they are part of ours. Maybe they have triumphed by becoming dogs, as we became human.CITAZIONE@IdiotaIngles: HUGHHHHHH How do you call your dog? @hughlaurie
I'd rather not say. He's entitled to his privacy. If he joins twitter and tells you, that's his business.CITAZIONE@pytonek: Do you like a snakes? @hughlaurie
Not particularly, although I admire a lot of their work.. -
.CITAZIONEMy new theory. First half of life is noticing and exploring the difference between things. Second half is noticing the sameness.Commonality.
@BisleyT: I noticed that 20 years ago, Hugh. It's only now that I realise how different you and I are.
See? There you g....wait a minute..... -
.CITAZIONEChariot not quite low enough - but cracking game....je viens de regarder un match de rugby entre l'angleterre et la nouvelle zelande. Nous l'avons perdu...
@JessicaClackum: You just tweeted yourself. A first. Take a bow. We've all done it.
Is that bad? Should I put money in a tin somewhere?CITAZIONEChariot not quite low enough - but cracking game....je viens de regarder un match de rugby entre l'angleterre et la nouvelle zelande. Nous l'avons perdu...
@CosmicTropic: so what? it's just a game, yo
Just a game? Just a game????CITAZIONEI petition for a re-naming of golfer's elbow. The pain's enough without the added shame of associating with all that waddling cashmere.
@Chicaned02: is that different from tennis elbow then?
tennis elbow's on the outside, golf on the inside. Not wild about tennis either. Fighter-pilot's elbow?. -
.CITAZIONEA curse be upon those who glue their shins to the luggage carousel so others can't get at their bags, for they are the destroyers of hope.
@charliebadger99: which is what anyone would do had they got there first..... it's a race
no, sir!! A thousand times no!! If we all stand back, life is better for all. We all come equal first in the race....CITAZIONEAppendix B. I love watching the NFL. Breathtaking skill and athleticism. But when a game of rugby takes off, there's nothing like it.
@LisaAchacon: what about cricket versus baseball?
I love them both. But in cricket, strategy is with the captain - he rotates the bowlers, sets the field, declares the innings.. -
.
19 Novembre:
Apollos and the first Challenger left from this pad. It boggles the mind when you see it. pic.twitter.com/TIcC0o0lPQ
And now this. I tell you, I've got someone else's life. They're going to want it back one of these days. pic.twitter.com/Kcwrahn2Db
In case you're wondering, that shot was taken from the Hendon bypass.
At last!! Some minor discomfort to at least open the scoring for the Negative XI. Filming on a beach in the Bahamas. Hot, Major, damned hot.
I realise that "beach" and "Bahamas" aren't words that immediately move the reader to tears of compassion. Maybe I'll stub my toe.
20 Novembre:
On the island of Eleuthera, which one of the teamsters calls Urethra. I haven't corrected him because it makes me so happy.
Has mankind produced a more fatuous implement than the leaf-blower?
An analogue for our times. Noise, burnt fuel, no apparent purpose except to turn your problem into someone else's.
If leaf-blowers travelled by air, I bet they'd stand too close to the luggage carousel.
21 Novembre:
And so we say farewell Eleuthera, island of pineapples and lobster, which must be an anagram of just about everything.
Please don't start trying to think of anagrams. We have such a fleeting moment on this earth.
Swam as the sun was setting. Sea was perfect, clear as vodka. In fact I think I saw a couple of olives float by.
A final night of carousing. I sat in with a local band and made a plump arse of myself. Luckily, there were only 80 people with HD cameras.
Is it significant that we use the verb 'take' for pictures? Not 'give' or 'make' or 'do'. As if we know that a thing is being appropriated.
Consensus seems to be no. The photographers have the floor.
I stole its soul. pic.twitter.com/KuDxC2qilY
A tiny airport in Florida, deserted but for smiling, helpful staff. I began to suspect our previous flight had crashed and we were now dead.
22 Novembre:
In Vancouver, with smooth, smooth jazz belching up from a terrace below. The Girl From Ipanema must be a grandmother by now. Bossa Antigua.
CNN. 20 minutes of news crammed into an hour.
Whatever you do, don't form a mental picture of Wolf Blitzer with cloven hooves. You will never be free.
Remember Spot the Ball? Ice hockey's like that for me, but moving. Until they start playing with a car tyre, I'll have to skip it.
Huzzah!! Gaby Moreno has won Best New Artist at the Latin Grammys!!
You go to bed with the Ashes safely under way, and you wake up next to a horse's head of a first innings, blood everywhere..
I've stopped screaming. I'm going to have some breakfast and start screaming again in about an hour.
To those unfamiliar with such things, the Ashes is a cricket competition between England and Australia.
Or between England and her ability to self-immolate at the weirdest times. Depends how you look at it.
23 Novembre:
Maddening to have no broadcast of the Ashes here. Like waiting for the jury's decision. Eleven Angry Men.
Obviously the radio's great - but when the battle's on, you want to see the whites of their trousers.
Bowl of spaghetti and a book, marred by my neighbour's after-shave: a blend of horrible, revolting, and Mace. I have to burn my clothes now.
He was my neighbour in the bar. Not my neighbour. I'm sure my neighbour smells lovely. Neighbour. By Calvin Klein
In case you're worried, I will be taking the clothes off before burning them.
As someone who doesn't wear after-shave, I'm curious. Is a woman supposed to close her eyes and imagine you own a speedboat?
Have movies so conditioned us to a certain density of narrative that we just can't accept the moronic banality of a Lee Harvey Oswald?
Do we crave revelation and plot twist even though we know most of life's pain is caused by random accident, illness, dumb cruelty?
M'col and I were performing in London to a largely American audience the night Ronald Regan was shot.
Roughly averaging polls, the proportion of US citizens believing in God is about 75%. Those believing in a second gunman about the same.
The proportion of Britons who believe in God is about 35%. Those believing Diana was assassinated, about the same.
Proving nothing whatsoever.
75% of respondents made jokes about statisticians. Poor sods. Worse than being a planet called Uranus.
There has been some unpleasantness in Brisbane.
Congratulations to Oz. I am now pouring whisky on my cornflakes.
How could I forget Brisbane? You wore blue, the Australians wore white.
24 Novembre:
Gawd bless HMS Python. This parrot wot I purchased not half a century ago...
Judges At Ringside Spot On: Referee Gets Standing Ovation. Is this a headline I will see in my lifetime?
I've always wondered why judges sit with their eyes level with the canvas. If that's the best spot, why are there no tv shots from there?
Also why do tennis lines-people stand up and then bend over so their head is at the same height it was when they were sitting?
Makes them look like bad actors doing Really Paying Attention.
I dreamed about Paul Dacre last night. He had incredibly soft skin.
A crow the size of a huge crow just landed on my balcony and stared at me. If I die in the next 40 years, can someone look into this?
What if it was Paul Dacre doing a spot of weekend shape-shifting?
Of course the crow may be telling his friends that a huge bald git just stared at him through a window. Maybe they're giving him brandy.
I'm calling the crow Paul Dacre.
I'm actually calling all crows Paul Dacre, because I'm not sure I could pick mine out of a line-up.
A low bow to Danny Baker for his kind words. The man is a prince, my hero these 30 years past. May our followers mingle and inter-marry.
25 Novembre:
Will Ferrell makes me happy. I can't help it and why would I want to?
Popular heroes of British fiction. I have Bond, Holmes, Dr Who and Harry Potter so far. Tell me I'm missing 200 others.
Comic heroes is a different category, I think. Glad to say I probably could do 200 of those.
I'm wondering whether we can see ourselves in a heroic light these days. We have so much irony tangled around our ankles. Tripping over it.
I don't know why I 'm wondering it. I could have called down to the concierge and asked them to wonder it.
I am The Man In The Ironic Mask
In the movie of TMITIM, Leonardo di C has the line: "I wear the mask, it doesn't wear me."
Which cleared up an important plot point.
Where do Paul Dacres go at night ? Do they nest on gothic rooftops, sneering at our petty striving hundreds of feet below?
Paul Dacre has become, in a surprisingly short space of time, an accepted synonym for crow, or raven.
26 Novembre:
What do we think about a speed limit for jazz? Play anything faster than 200 bpm and you get a ticket.
Above that, there's no dancing - just nodding and showing off. Or nodding off.
I'm listening to a trumpeter now who's throwing notes at me as if I've just slept with his sister.
I don't want to name him. He knows who he is. Oh yes.
Just played in a jazz club with a lovely bunch. Katherine Penfold made grown men weep with You Don't Know Me. Happy birthday Theresa!
No song broke the speed limit and people danced. Really danced. Even me, although I covered it by pretending to look for my keys.
Found my keys. They were right next to my mojo.
Tremendously excited by the prospect of a folding guitar. I have been pushing for this with celery for years. Now will they listen?
I wasted so much time tying to breed miniature celery, when the folding option was staring us all in the face. Perhaps even laughing at us.
27 Novembre:
One drawback of years in California - no tolerance for cold. At all. Working now in weather I would have laughed at as a young man.
Ha! I would have said, with a jaunty sneer. Call that a knife?
Driving back at 4am, passing hookers in strappy dresses, bare arms. You want to offer them 10 minutes In a warm car, but who'd believe that?
28 Novembre:
10 minutes in a warm car wasn't a euphemism. Or if it was, it was only a euphemism for 5 minutes in a warm car.
No, seriously. I meant warmth. It's cold as a banker's heart here, and they were under-dressed. That's all I meant. Officer.
More Americans have died from gun violence in the last 45 years than have died in all the wars the country has fought since its inception.
That's Lexington in 1775 to present day Afghanistan. If that doesn't amaze you, then we must go our separate ways.
This from Congressional Research Service, CDCP and FBI via Henry Porter in the Guardian.
Political belief is often no more than habit. Americans are accustomed to guns, but horrified by fireworks. Whereas we drive on the left.
They're horrified by a national health system yet provide universal school bus transport. Which I'm not sure they did in the USSR.
I meant private ownership of fireworks. Colorado for the millennium, and I couldn't buy a sparkler. But people had shotguns in the cab.
I'm not saying better or worse - just that what we think of as judgments are often the result of mere habit.
Some just called me bro and I blocked him. Kapow!! The sweet smell of cordite...
I was cleaning it and it went off.
Re-reading The Worst Journey In the World before tonight's shoot. Men were made of different stuff back then. I'm a wet wipe.
Worse than that, a wet wipe who's slightly dried out. Good for nothing except analogies.
Took my fancy costume shoes off to find blood on my feet. I am Ginger Rogers in so many ways.
You know the saying - if you look around a group and can 't spot the git, it's you - well that's this movie. I am Roger Ackroyd.
Darn it. I made a mess of that. I'm not Ackroyd, I'm Dr Sheppard, the narrator who...oh never mind.
Sorry for messing up the Roger Ackroyd thing. Now I feel like I've stripped lead off the roof of St Agatha's.
29 Novembre:
Happy thanksgiving to all Yanks. The Canadians gave thanks a month ago because they're so polite, but there'll be turkey on set tonight.
I will sit apart from the rest with a pot of tea and a cricket bat, mourning the loss of the colonies.
When was the last time "we've got company" was used in a movie to mean "we've got company"? As in "darling, put the kettle on, Ted's here."
Maybe it'll switch completely around. When Ted arrives, you'll say "we're being followed, darling, tan Ford with Illinois plates".
I love food. Like a brother. But the creeping occupation of print and airwaves by the catering industry feels slightly decadent to me.
Crazed efforts to titillate our jaded buds looks like the last days of Rome. I wasn't there, obviously, but you know what I mean.
It's great when food, but is it good when food is great? Hmm ?? Eh????
Which should have read: It's great when food is good but is it good when food is great? Although maybe that makes no more sense.
Well, heck. I tried.
Knocked down a few times last night by a stuntman and have apparently woken up with my legs on the wrong way round.
30 Novembre:
I thought about having a massage, but unfortunately can't find a qualified therapist who is neither male nor female in the Vancouver area.
There's one called Blossom in Winnipeg but sounds fishy. So I laid shoes on the floor and rolled over them for a few minutes. Good as new.
Have you ever been told by a masseur that you have no knots? No signs of tension whatsoever? Me neither. I smell a rat.
I wonder if the notion of knots and tension has been invented to give a remedial respectability to something that is just plain nice?
Same used to be true of men's after shave. They put alcohol in to make it sting like hell so men could feel better about wearing perfume.
I'm about to be cyber-scanned. I have no idea what that means but it sounds like it's the end of acting as a profession.
I have been cyber-scanned. I am in the machine. You can't kill me now because I am a digital wraith. Maybe we all are and always were.
If a camera can steal your soul, god knows what this machine just took.
Actually, does god know? If I remember, Deuteronomy is a little sketchy on digital existentialism.
1 Dicembre:
How many times have you heard people complain about bad drivers? No one ever holds their hand up and says I'm one of them, I'm hopeless.
Or do bad drivers meet in a different place, talk about different things?
That can't be it. We must all be bad and not know it. The not knowing is what makes us bad.
My name is Hugh and I am a terrible driver.
2 Dicembre:
Obama's struggle with Affordable Care. He's like a prison governor asking the inmates to make lemonade for his garden party. It'll be tangy.
Beautiful sunny morning. Right under my window, a fantastic display by a dozen police motorcyclists. I'm 8 years old again.
And now bagpipes and Mounties. I'm such a sucker for this stuff.
Horses. One day the horses will get to tell their story. Tears and laughter.
No idea what these girls are doing but god bless 'em pic.twitter.com/4rpsQAi9Qa
"What the hell are we..."
"Don't. Just don't." pic.twitter.com/YJqbXqXzTZ
"It makes people happy, OK? I don't know why, but it does."
I was being a horse. The quotation marks meant horse. Me, I love a parade.
Lord how fragile it is. All our beliefs, opinions - piled onto a teetering pedestal of cheap food, clean water, warmth, safety. So lucky.
This is not the horse. This is me with a sudden moment of vertigo. Happens every now and then.
Are we the same person when we've missed a night's sleep? Or a few meals? Or we're cold, or scared? If not, who are we really?
Talking of horses telling their story, which we weren't, may I direct you to Kipling's The Maltese Cat?
Talking of directing you to things, which we also weren't, Sum by David Eagleman. Absolutely exquisite.
3 Dicembre:
Anybody know how evolutionary biologists, neuroscientists, explain jokes? What are they for, what advantage do they confer?
I know what jokes are, and what they do to us, but why? Why do we have a sense of humor? And yes I realise that's the non-u spelling.
All first rate, but still, why? There are clever people who aren't funny, funny people who aren't potential mates - what's the advantage?
This horse is not going to get up, is it?
This, my lad, is an ex-horse.
Moving on. Music. What's that all about?
Now I feel like such a foosh.
Let's draw a line. In pretty colors. And move on to those broad, sunlit uplands I keep hearing so much about.
Watched and marveled at Scorsese's remake of Cape Fear. Then read some contemporaneous reviews and wanted to remake Theatre of Blood.
If a thing is done less than perfectly, there are two possible explanations: the person doing it is not competent, or the thing is hard.
Critics generally concern themselves with the first of those. Even though though they must know how hard it is to write a good article.
I have always tried not to be angered by critics. In the words of the tea towel: the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.
But consider the saintly Pauline Kael, who only ever watched a movie once because, as she said: I get it.
I mean, holy....
Imagine Harold Bloom admitting he'd only read Hamlet once: I get it.
Or Scorsese for that matter, starting to direct Cape Fear after only reading the script once. Because he got it.
Thank you for you patience. The mood is passing. Normal service will be resumed shortly.
What a beautiful sunny day.
I think. I only looked out of the window once, but...doh.
I've decided "I get it" is my phrase of the day. It even surpasses "whatever" which takes some doing.
Never mind the arrogance. It's the savagely impertinent implication that your petty mind cannot fathom the speed and agility of mine.
I don't get it. It gets me.
I appear to have left a loaded gun on the table.
You want another one? Here's another one. Beginning sentences with "look". As if no one had looked before.
I'm trying a new brand of espresso this morning. It came out so thick, the room went dark. I'll try some water. I hear good things.
About this L'Oreal thing - yes they did pay me a huge amount, and I paid it to Comic Relief. I have a clear conscience and complexion.
4 Dicembre:
Other people's bare feet are always surprising, aren't they? Hands much less so. I suppose feet don't get out as much.
If your own feet are the only ones you see, you assume that's how feet are. Then that bloke takes his shoes off and it's hard not to shout.
Three seconds of acting today. I was a little tight in the first, and definitely tired by the third, but the middle second - smashed it.
It wouldn't be right to get a massage now, would it? I should give one. I'll go downstairs and offer my services.
I'm on. Mr Flange in 1601 wants the full hour.
You'll be pleased to hear that Eduardo was very nice and very respectful.
He was also a very small gentleman. I was done in 40 minutes.
5 Dicembre:
I used to have a theory: if a woman thought she was sexy she was, and if a man thought he was sexy, he wasn't.
My new theory: anyone who thinks they're sexy is annoying.
I've just listened to a 'sexy' singer, and I could only hear cell phones, car keys, marble kitchen tops, all the hard surfaces in her life.
Suddenly hit me. If there's truth in this 10,000 hours thing, I've got to get cracking. Stone masonry? The bassoon? High wire? Tick tock.
An hour a day isn't enough. It's got to be three if I'm going to have any time to enjoy being a master glass blower.
I ride at the dawn of a new age of The Artisan. I will blow glass into the shape of swans. Kings and sultans will heap rubies at my feet.
It'll be great.
I'm thinking of abstract swans to begin with.
Budgies are handy, aren't they? Almost as if someone designed an animal that's easy to draw.
Gazelles are for Intermediate students only. We need something for Beginners.
A reader from Nottingham has pointed out that worms are easier still.
Well yes, and ants. I think I'm losing control here.
Giant ants would be difficult, yes. Invisible ants would be easier. Ants that just never turned up. You wait and wait, but....
I should probably go to bed. An hour ago.
God bless his memory, his friends and family, and the people of RSA.
6 Dicembre:
On the news, Rob Ford and Nelson Mandela in consecutive stories. What a wondrous thing is man.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
4th stanza of Invictus, which Nelson Mandela would recite to fellow prisoners on Robben Island.
Still don't understand how twitter works. Why are Dunkin' Donuts asking me to report my Dunkin' adventures? What did I ever do to them?
If I am ever involved in "a Dunkin' adventure", I will be dead before the sun sets. You can divide my records among you.
Fleeting visit to the city of the angels. The roar of leaves being blown from one garden to another.
Group D for..
Politicians don't profit from falling unemployment; low is no use if you're jobless, and high no problem if you're not. Not so with prices.
I should have said 'don't profit enough'.
I admire politicians. Mostly for not caring that people don't admire them. I think that's admirable.
Also for not giving in to the daily temptation to say "alright then, you fucking try it."
I'm similarly unadmiring of those who talk of a broken system that doesn't measure up to their virginal standards. Mend it, dear Liza.
I admire politicians. Mostly for not caring that people don't admire them. I think that's admirable.
Also for not giving in to the daily temptation to say "alright then, you fucking try it."
7 Dicembre:
I'm similarly unadmiring of those who talk of a broken system that doesn't measure up to their virginal standards. Mend it, dear Liza.
I also hate most of the things I say and don't believe any of them are true,
Things I'm Glad I Said: 4. Things I Wish I Hadn't Said: 870,000,003
People seem confused by this. I'm confused by their confusion. Obviously things seem true at the time I say them. But the overall score...
Anyway, beautiful evening, Triumph making sweet music.
Triple wicket maiden for Johnson. England through the ropes, landing in row F.
What happens when you cremate ashes? Does Uncle Ned skip out of the furnace with a sprightly yelp?
Pour expliquer. The Ashes is named after a disastrous loss by England to Oz late 19thC. English cricket said to have died and been cremated.
The Sporting Times of London 1882... pic.twitter.com/JsKv3JAsdE
8 Dicembre:
Raining in Los Angeles. As foretold in Revelations.
I've never seen locusts here. I think the modern leaf blower may be descended from locusts.
Hold on, the sun's come out. As foretold on the internet.
Going to try running now. This will take 30 mins and may prolong my life by 2 mins. Or shorten it by 25 years. It's a terrible deal.
Please, can someone throw me a knotty problem so I don't have to so this....
Well the chicken came first, obviously, because...ah, no wait...the egg, that's it...oh, I see...
Done. Already I sense there will be no stairs in my future til 2014.
Thank you for the knotty problems. Working on them now. Mens sana in corpore sano. Actually men's sauna seems a better idea right now.
Answers to knotty problems in the wrong order: 7, yes, your grandmother, neither, 1860, Jimmy Carter, obliquity of the ecliptic, one sandal.
Please don't soap your eels. Instead, use a damp cloth, taking care not to throw the eel across the room in disgust.
What a lousy deal, to be an eel,
How much neater, to be a cheetah?
But drop a cheetah in the sea,
And ask him what he'd rather be.
Sorry about that. What's the opposite of pearls before swine? Pigshit before maharajahs?
M'col clears the boundary with "Root 66" - baffling to non-cricket or non Chuck Berry followers, but nice of Root to pull over when he did.
I see that I am fast closing on tweet 500. I need to talk to some caterers, maybe bunting, an ice sculpture. It's going to be sensational.
9 Dicembre:
LA weirdly fecund. I'm looking at a large hibiscus that I'm sure wasn't there yesterday.
Also, I have more socks than I know what to do with.
Swanked out of airport like a prince - golf cart, low bows - into the limo which broke down. Passed by passengers making wanker gestures.
Quite right too.
The Lord giveth, and the Lord installeth a dodgy fuel injection system.
How did it work before phones? Woman breaks down, pouring rain, babies in the car. What then? Did the babies grow to adulthood in the car?
So the kindly gentleman, with a blanket, a thermos, and a working knowledge of the Austin 1100 - what happened to him?
After 50, I think I've probably said "what happened to..." more than any other three words.
A giant hand has picked up the glass ball of Vancouver and given it a hearty shake. Light snow still falling. Very pretty.
Small flakes falling straight, larger ones meandering, floating, doubling back, like teachers shepherding a school trip.
Do you ever get the feeling you're not being watched?
God continues to comb his beard over Vancouver, probably humming something. Wonderwall.
500 coming up. What am I going to wear? What the fuck is smart casual? Is it anything like clever stupid?
10 Dicembre:
You made it! Just throw your coat in there, help yourself to some mulled opinion. I'll be down in a second.
Life. Is like your favourite socks. It turns out you only have one. Yessss!! pic.twitter.com/KTS10rzIRH
It's been pointed out to me that I may have over-fished these waters. The next 500 will take a decade. Every one a coconut.
11 Dicembre:
The US has 5% of the world's population, and 25% of the world's prison population. The phone almost wouldn't let me type that it's so crazy.
Is it possible to get elected on a platform of thoughtful reduction? Or does this car only have a forward gear?
We should put the whole world on a sex offenders' register. Anything less is just pandering to those on the bleeding hearts' register.
Looks like we're heading for Brazil next March! Details on www.hughlaurieblues.com/ if you're so minded. We put on a good show, honest.
When I dance samba, it stays danced.
I spent a week learning samba with two Brazilian dancers in front of a full length mirror. If you need taking down a peg, I recommend it.
Bill Bryson's America 1927. Fascinating and beautifully written. A book can't be much more than that without exceeding safe loads.
Brass monkeys here in Canada. But then it is Canada. It's just that it's so Canada. It could be a little less Canada and still be Canada.
The other factor in the case, which I didn't mention, is that it's December. In Canada. Canada running with a bad crowd. A tragic tale.
12 Dicembre:
Once more among The Angels. As a subject of Her Majesty, I should moan about its shallowness, but my hearts's not in it. It's bloody great.
I doubt it'll rain here. A fellow might drive by spraying Evian out of his window, but that's about it.
Lawyers earn their crust. It's hard to write a sentence that doesn't allow a determined foe to bend it into something else.
Late night ads so beautifully guileless. Tired of heavy things? Use light things. Frustrated by hard? Try easy. Can't sleep? Lie down.
13 Dicembre:
Gorgeous. Not a cloud in the sky, and not many in my head either. I might strain today through muslin and pickle it in a jar.
So Jesus was a Capricorn. That explains SO much.
I stand corrected. Jesus was apparently a Gemini. That explains even more.
Going dark for a time. Bur I urge you towards Jeremy Scahill's Dirty Wars. See it before the long night falls on all of us. Good luck!
20 Dicembre:
Opening the hatch for a spot of horn tooting. Didn't It Rain is on iTunes Best of 2013 list. I'm celebrating with some chicken on a rope.
Congratulations to the mighty Copper Bottom Band, Ryan Freeland, Joe Henry and Conrad Withey, withoutey whom etc. www.itunes.com/Bestof2013Music .
Ding dong. Have a lovely Christmas everyone. May all your knitwear be soft to the touch. Down periscope.
1 Gennaio:
At the risk of stirring up a mad controversy, may I wish you all a happy new year?
6 Gennaio:
Huge congratulations to Oz. English cricket won't be able to sit down for a long while. But here's hoping a Phoenix will one day rise.
10 Gennaio:
How is 2014 unfurling? Seemed promising until newspapers opened fire from the low ground. Now we must all get our hating trousers on.
I've decided to hate geese. I don't know why they get such an easy ride in the press. But it stops now.
They come over here, with their wings, don't make the slightest effort to become part of the community. And you know they're laughing at us.
Edited by sweetest thing - 10/1/2014, 21:55. -
.CITAZIONEAs someone who doesn't wear after-shave, I'm curious. Is a woman supposed to close her eyes and imagine you own a speedboat?
@LisaAchacon: I would say we would just enjoy the sensation? Why the speedboat though?
I thought they were all advertised with speedboats. But I might not have been paying attention.. -
.CITAZIONEI've always wondered why judges sit with their eyes level with the canvas. If that's the best spot, why are there no tv shots from there?
@elliottlevy79: The closer the better to see if the punches are connecting properly. TV commentators are ringside too.
Close obviously good, but why low? And commentators have a tv picture as well. I wonder how often they look at it?
Now that I think of it, that would mean 50 seats behind them on 3 sides you couldn't sell. I withdraw.CITAZIONEMakes them look like bad actors doing Really Paying Attention.
@16Mimo42: peux tu tweeter en Français, on comprend beaucoup mieux. Cordialement
Mais...je suis anglais...je m'excuse.CITAZIONE@Thomsk56: you having a slow day sir ?!
Yes. Sunday, I think it's called.. -
.CITAZIONEPopular heroes of British fiction. I have Bond, Holmes, Dr Who and Harry Potter so far. Tell me I'm missing 200 others.
@ArmsControlWonk: ,@hughlaurie George Smiley ranks above Bond, in my pantheon of British fiction heroes. @plutoniumpage
@ArmsControlWonk @plutoniumpage Smiley, yes! Thank youCITAZIONE@HartHanson: @hughlaurie Thomas Lang
@HartHanson I'm so blushing I might have to lie down. Thank you HH!CITAZIONEPaul Dacre has become, in a surprisingly short space of time, an accepted synonym for crow, or raven.
@LisaAchacon: @hughlaurie you going to start your own hashtag?
@LisaAchacon I don't know what a hashtag is. I know what corduroy is. Is it anything like that?
@meltingglass: @hughlaurie @LisaAchacon It's the price of marijuana
@meltingglass @LisaAchacon Ba-da-bong!!. -
.CITAZIONEMore Americans have died from gun violence in the last 45 years than have died in all the wars the country has fought since its inception.
@brucehallsports: Is that true, or are you repeating something you saw? If that is indeed true, then that is pretty damn horrible.
@brucehallsports Those are not logical opposites. I didn't physically witness all those deaths so yes, I am repeating the testimony of others; but it can still be true.CITAZIONEI meant private ownership of fireworks. Colorado for the millennium, and I couldn't buy a sparkler. But people had shotguns in the cab.
@puxxled: sparklers are serious fire hazards. Colorado just had a horrific wildfire.
@puxxled This was the millennium. 10 feet of snow.CITAZIONESome just called me bro and I blocked him. Kapow!! The sweet smell of cordite...
@Daraghlol: What to heck bro
Feeling lucky?CITAZIONEDarn it. I made a mess of that. I'm not Ackroyd, I'm Dr Sheppard, the narrator who...oh never mind.
@debilarge: Is it bed time, dear?
@debilarge yes it is but we're working all night. Hence the gibbering..
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